“The bride and groom are standing in front of everyone, looking better than they are ever going to look again, getting so much attention and affirmation. Everybody even stands when they walk in so it’s easy to think this marriage, at least, is about them. It’s not. Just look at the worn-out parents sitting in the first pew. The only reason these parents are still married is because long ago they learned how to handle the hurt they caused each other. They know that the last thing you ever want to do with hurt is to let it define you” (Craig Barnes). This last statement offers one of the most profound points that I’ve read on brokenness, and I eluded to it last week: Those who do not allow hurt to entrap them can turn brokenness into an unbreakable power, but those shackled by past pain are truly imprisoned by it—the walls we build to protect us may eventually imprison us.
Many, no doubt, had direction for their marriage, but because of selfishness, disobedience, disregard, or a deaf ear to God’s direction, it ended with divorce, but be encouraged: God can rebuild and redeem that life; He desires to guide and direct us.
As a matter of fact, God often uses brokenness to rebuild. An analogy that comes to mind is that of a shepherd. Perhaps you’ve heard that from time to time a shepherd might break the leg of a lamb that continually wanders from the flock, and thus, from the shepherd’s protection. The shepherd then splints the broken leg and carries the lamb on his shoulders for weeks until the leg has healed. As painful as this was for the lamb, it was necessary to protect it from being ravished by wolves or other predators. In time, through the broken and dependant relationship, the lamb (like us) learns to walk in the protective presence of his shepherd.
What will it take to bring you back to the true Shepherd? A decision to stay close to Him can avoid needless pain and provide safety and protection.
Many attest to the fact that life after divorce is just “existence”—peace and joy have all but left. Let me assure you that God desires that peace and joy be restored. In reality, a spouse will not complete me (or you); only God can bring wholeness to our lives. That’s why it’s vitally important that two people enter the marriage covenant putting Christ first. Some of the consequences of divorce may linger, but so will His unfailing grace, mercy and love, and for that we should be continually grateful.
Clearly understand that I’m not advocating divorce, nor am I suggesting that if you are currently separated, divorce become an option because better opportunities await you. I believe that it is our responsibility to do everything that we can to contend for our marriage. God hates divorce and anyone who has been there knows why. I believe, first and foremost, in reconciliation and restoration but these are not always options if things such as extreme abuse and adultery have occurred, or continue to occur. That’s why a personal relationship with Jesus and daily guidance is profoundly important. Through that relationship you will be able to make the right decision. It won’t be easy because lives have been damaged, dreams destroyed, and promises broken, but God continually guides us if we allow Him. If separated, or (in some cases) divorced, don’t leave the success of your marriage or reconciliation to chance. Do whatever you can to rebuild and restore your commitment.
One of the biggest obstacles when considering restoration or seeking direction is becoming involved with someone soon after you divorce or separate. Did you catch that: Dating someone in the midst of your divorce, or separation is very foolish. This will severely hinder your chance for reconciliation, as well as your ability to follow God’s lead—period. You might feel that this new person makes you feel loved and appreciated, and that may be true, but so did your spouse when you first met. Love does not leave people, people leave love, and until you’ve made changes that will change your future, you’re bound to repeat your past.
Every situation is different and some divorces are inevitable, but for the large percentage of those who can rebuild and restore their relationship, two choices are available: Facing the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret. Do you want to live with the lasting pain of regret, or the temporary pain of discipline? Humble yourself and make the right decision today, because tomorrow it may be too late. Your marriage is worth fighting for.
