It’s no surprise that more than fifty percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. I believe this number would be significantly lower if basic principles were acknowledged before marriage, as well as after. Love doesn’t leave people—people leave love. True love is not just an ecstatic feeling; it’s a decision to remain faithful to our commitment.
Unfortunately, many succeed financially but fail relationally. Their focus immediately shifts from a failed marriage to a new relationship, and restoration becomes increasingly more difficult. If you are recently divorced, I encourage you not to move ahead in a new relationship until you have exhausted all avenues of restoration and a significant amount of time has passed. If you are separated, don’t rush a divorce; and definitely do not begin a new relationship. Understand that you are about to make a big decision—a decision that will last a lifetime.
Countless couples live with ongoing regret and remorse, simply because they trusted divorce for the answer rather than God and restoration. If you have been divorced for sometime and reconciliation is not an option, there still needs to be time for healing, and a new relationship, more often than not, will only mask the pain, hinder the healing process, and prevent problems from being addressed.
Don’t be like the Israelites and allow a short journey through the wilderness to become forty-years of wandering; identify your weaknesses and commit to work on them. God is not only preparing someone for you, but you for them. Marriage is intended to be a commitment based on love, service, and perseverance; it’s held together by mutual commitment.
A Focus on the Family newsletter stated that when a research team studied 5,232 married adults who were interviewed in the late 1980s, they discovered that 645 of them were unhappily married. Five years later, these same adults (some divorced, separated, or still married) were interviewed again. The study revealed that two-thirds of the unhappily married spouses who remained together were actually happier five years later. The opposite was true for those divorced. Although divorce was a temporary escape from pain, it introduced new emotional and psychological difficulties. In a nutshell, unless problems are severe and/or life threatening, weather the storm—it’s well worth it.
First and foremost, God desires that we walk in integrity, follow His principles, and use wisdom during the journey. For some, reconciliation may result, for others it may not. Regardless, God still loves you, and desires to help you regain lost ground. But the enemy often resurrects past failures to prevent future success. He knows that God has plans for our lives and he seeks to undermine those plans. For instance, as my wife, Morgan, and I, began our relationship many years ago, I heard sermons about letting go of the past. I would immediately become excited about our relationship, but when I heard discussions about divorce, I became fearful—my fears were clearly preventing a hopeful future. But as we moved forward in the relationship, anxiety and confusion gave way to peace, joy, and fulfillment because we trusted in God. It was clear that I could no longer allow past brokenness to cause future pain.
Morgan and I never fully understood why we felt anxiety; it did, however, cause us to focus more intently on God and not ourselves, and when we finally committed to our marriage vow, we knew it was a binding statement representing a life-long commitment—a commitment that we both had always wanted.
I encourage you to remove everything that may hinder the healing process such as wrong relationships, strongholds, anger, pride, unforgiveness, and addictions. As I said before: Every situation is different and some divorces are inevitable, but for the large percentage of those who can rebuild and restore their relationship, two choices are available: Facing the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret. Do you want to live with the lasting pain of regret, or the temporary pain of discipline? Humble yourself and make the right decision today, because tomorrow it may be too late. Your marriage is worth fighting for.